So I bought a new car

I really love my new vehicle....you would not know it by talking to me because I am waiting for the next shoe to drop.................You want to see a picture of it, I know you do............Well this is it. I took it to the mechanic. Everything is fine except for the high miles. I will own this at the end of January. Quite achievement for me. Why do I say this. Because in my whole life I have never paid off anything and in 2008 I paid off my home and in 2009 I will have paid off a car while at the same time raising two boys who while they are fine boys want stuff. I am proud of myself.

My List

Things I have to do today....that is how I start out my days anymore. Things that I have to do, but wouldn't it be nice if the list read like this: 1. Purchase plane tickets to Cancun. 2. Shop for clothes for Cancun. 3. Go get full spa treatment and tan. 4. Stop off at plastic surgeon for brand new body. 5. Pick up hunky guy to take to Cancun. That is not what my list looks like. I have to try and find a reliable car with the least amount of money I can put down. I have to do laundry and clean the house. I have to get some more wood chopped because this warm spell won't last forever and then go grocery shopping with my coupons. Finally, I think I need someone to pluck my eyebrows because Julie, a sweet girl I work with at the college tagged me in a facebook photo, and well you can see for yourself!!!!!!!

This is me in my catering outfit.

Andrew and I made several pacts last night and one was to turn us into a dynamic duo. Lean, mean fighting machines. I will keep everyone advised on our progress, but it is not looking too good right now as I shove homemade chocolate chip cookies in my mouth with my morning coffee. Yep, that's the breakfast of champions right there. By the way of introductions, here is Andrew, my eternally pessimistic roommate, looking for love in all the wrong places.


He is my partner in crime for most of my latest escapades. He is also my very best friend and confidante. We will argue for days over this car purchase. I just know it. He will also be the one to pluck my eyebrows for me. Thank god for Andrew! Yesterday he told me not to wear turtlenecks because it makes me look weird. I said, "You mean fat" and he said "No, just weird". What do you do with that kind of fashion advice. I always thought I looked good in turtlenecks, but apparently we are not seeing the same vision of lovely me. I have a closet full of turtlenecks. What am I to do with them now? Also, have I just been looking weird for years now and no one has told me?

Yesterday, we went car shopping at "Pimpin Productions", that specializes in buy here, pay here transactions. Fortunately for us they were closed on Tuesdays and Thursdays because we might have bought a car from this rather seedy establishment. Yes, I would buy my car from a place called "Pimpin Productions" because that's just how I roll. Due to their closed status we proceeded on to Blairsville where they have many fine used car dealers and were immediately distracted by a huge Christian Love Thrift Store. This is not the Christian Love store that is 2 miles from my house, this is the Thrift Store of all thrift stores. We spent 3 1/2 hours in there going through everything and then had to go pick up the boys from the busstop. So, no further car shopping was done. I hope today is a little more productive. We must avoid thrift stores at any cost. However, we did make several purchases, records for the phonograph, clothes for the boys, black loafers for Andrew so he can wear his black pants again and a couple of fine sweaters for me (no turtlenecks). We got the Saturday Night Fever LP in excellent condition and also Neil Diamond's greatest hits. I love me some Neil Diamond. We also got about 20 45's which were in good shape so our record collection is shaping up. I love my $5.00 stereo which probably cost a couple hundred dollars when it was new. The boys are fascinated with it and keep trying to make it do digital things and I say "No, it will not do that". They think you can take a remote and point it at anything and make it work.

Well since I have all this time off from the college I will try to get caught up on all my communications and projects. I will miss my friends though. Isn't it funny that all my friends are between 18-21 years of age. Those are the student workers at the college. There is Jacob who I could write pages about, he is smart, funny and just plain crazy. Jacob and Andrew had a brief relationship that has resulted in some kind of love hate thing that I often find myself in the
middle trying to mediate.


There is Julie, who I talked about earlier. She is a sweet girl and the hardest worker I have ever met. She is best friends with Jacob.

Then there is JaJuan. He is a recent addition to my list of friends but he is hilarious. He claims to be the black sheep of the family as both his brothers are signing with the NFL this year. He helped us move the piano into the house and he was on one end and Julie, Jacob, Andrew and myself were on the other. He was saying "Hey guys, I got my end, but you need to lift up yours, Ok,,Ok, oh hell ya'll are some weak @##$$".


We recently included JaJuan on the catering team and here he is trying to look the part. Funny story about him. On his first catering job as a server, he was very nervous, but trying to do his very best. We were filling water glasses on the table for this wedding rehearsal dinner so I had assigned everyone tables and JaJaun was at the ready waiting for someones glass to get low. Well he spotted this lady that was about half done with her water and swooped in, picked up the glass and was about to fill it when the lady cried out "No.........give me that back". He looked like she had hit him and then got this look when she took the glass and reached into her purse, pulled out a flask and filled the glass to the top with gin. He had this expression like "Did you see that!!!"
Well that is all I have for now.

Finally

It was a dark and stormy night, the wind sending pelting rain against my shivering flesh. I was beyond cold as I tried to burrow even deeper into my thin, winter coat. Feverishly, I searched my surroundings for any sign of the prize I had been seeking for nearly a decade now and just when I had almost lost hope it appeared as glimmer against the horizon. I picked up my pace, nearly tripping over a tree limb in my haste. Faster and faster I went, now nearly running and I reached out my hand, my fingertips grazing the surface and then it was gone like quicksilver. Vanished! I fell to my knees and cried out in gut wrenching pain and loss. The tiny thread that was my grasp on sanity threatened to snap as I descending into a welcoming blackness.......

Pretty good, huh! Unfortunately it has nothing to do with the story I am writing now. Just some random stuff in my head that hangs out there taking up space. Let's talk about Christmas with a little background on my life right now. First off, I am 46 with two boys, Tyler and Justin and a daughter Jenny, who does not live with me (but I wish she did) and Andrew, my gay roommate. My husband is in prison where he has been for 6 years. Tyler is 15, Justin is 13 and Andrew is 18. I am not going into all the details right now, such as why my husband is in prison and why Andrew is gay. It is just not relevant at this moment. What is relevant is that Christmas is upon us again and it makes me sad. Sad for all the things that I want to do and cannot. People I want to visit and can't and dreams that I want to make come true and won't. Some would look at this as a life strengthening challenge and I admit for several years I have done that. I am tired now of doing this and just want what I want. I want to see my mother and sisters and my daughter. I want my husband to be here and sharing in Christmas joy. I want tons of presents for the kids to open on Christmas morning and I want them to still believe in Santa Claus, that flicker of innocence and excitement alive in their eyes. I want to believe in Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men and I want me to feel something, anything at all. I am so dead inside that I don't know what will awaken a spark inside of me. At first I just thought that I was numb to it all. The long hours at work and then more work at home, but it is not that. I just don't get excited about anything as if my dreams have died. Even though I know my husband, Darryl, will be coming home soon, that has barely gotten a rise out of me inside. Outwardly, I present the proper emotions to the world, laugh, cry, smile but it does not reach that place that houses my soul. Perhaps my soul has taken too many beatings to recover from and will remain frozen in place. I don't know what my answer will be but I have simple dreams and hate to think that they will not be realized or if they are realized that I will be to dead to care.

I am confused

Something is definitely wrong with me these days. I am more confused, baffled, bewildered than normal. It is more than the "going to get something and forgetting what you were going for" syndrome. It is hard to concentrate and keep things in my head. My mind was at one time sharp and full of ideas and images and hopes and dreams. Now it is just a mess. It is not so bad that I would go to a doctor and say, "Quick, give me the miracle memory drug" but it is getting worse. People say "Oh, you are just getting older", but I find that hard to accept. I am not that old. Christ, we have 80 year old people who come into the restaurant that are sharper than I am. I can't keep names, dates, important events and prior knowledge in there because it is so cluttered with junk. Therefore I have started making lists. A list a day of things I have to do. God help me if I forget to make the list.

Bouncing around the Universe

Ok...I am 46 and at least 15 pounds over my desired weight if I am telling the truth and 5 pounds if I have decided to lie that day. I am very good at lying to myself and most times I tell myself in the mirror, "You look fabulous", however my mirror only reaches to my chest. It does make the lie easier. Every week I tell myself that I will do something about this weight and I never do. I have many excuses that are valid on their face however it does nothing to alleviate the fact that I must get serious soon. The reason is that my husband is coming home soon. I know for certain by July and with good luck it could be earlier and that is the reason for my serious face on the problem at hand. When he left me, I was 125 pounds and 6 years younger. I am now 15 pounds over my desired weight. Do you see what I did there. I did not actually tell you how much I weigh. I did tell you how much I used to weigh, but that is not my desired weight. I am too tall for 125 pounds, I looked anorexic or bulimic or some disorder. Let's just leave it at the fact that I need to lose some excess baggage. Well this blog is not about me losing weight, I just needed a starting point and that is the first thing that has popped into my head. What is really will be about is how I can start writing again. I am not a great poetic writer with deep thoughts and much angst, but I can write about everyday life and with humorous slant on things. I can't decide if I should start at the beginning or current day or just bounce around my life. I am good at bouncing around so that seems like a good way to start.